Third Pregnancy

When Lessan and I were expecting our first child, we had come up with the idea of having 4 or 5 kids.  Well, Lessan thought 5, I thought 4 was a nice even number.  But, at the start of this story, in early 2017, we had two children - Thomas aged 3.5 and Ella aged 1- and we felt that two was enough for now.  We had been living in Melbourne for about a year. Lessan had been working in his first real job in an office and I was struggling with managing life as a stay at home mum. We didn't have any family nearby and we struggled to maintain friendships with other parents.  I guess it's complicated with kids and it takes a long time sometimes.  Nevertheless, as Ella got older, I started to feel like maybe it would be easier for me if I could do something outside of the house.  I wanted to study midwifery part-time (a long-held dream). I was accepted into the course and even got the kids enrolled in daycare two days a week, but just as the year was about to start, Lessan and I realized we just couldn't afford the cost of daycare if I wasn't working.  I reluctantly withdrew from the course and turned my attention to finding part-time/casual teaching work (I'm a qualified High School Teacher in ESL and Maths).  As jobs were elusive, I had settled for doing some work as a volunteer teacher at the Red Cross. We figured I could get back to studying when the kids were both at school.

However, the idea of having more children never really left us.  We were struggling with our two and we felt it would make more sense financially for me to work, but we did in a way have a secret yearning for another child.  I do remember thinking, if I start studying now, I likely won't have another baby and I wasn't so sure if I was happy with that.  Also, some friends of ours announced they were expecting a surprise third baby and I can clearly remember Lessan and I looking at each other like, "I wish that was us!" So, we certainly weren't trying to conceive, but we may have not been as careful as we should have been if we were really adamant about avoiding pregnancy.  We took a chance one time thinking it couldn't possibly be my fertile window and lo and behold, a few weeks later, I was late and... pregnant.

When I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, it came as a shock.  We were both happy and excited, but also scared.  I honestly struggled a sometimes in the first few weeks to accept that I was pregnant, especially when the nausea hit. I hadn't prepared myself to go through this again! But, of course, it was when the baby arrived that we were most concerned about.  We immediately set about finding a way to get more support.

We looked at getting an Au Pair to help, but we would need more space for that so we looked at moving to another part of Melbourne, to a country area or to another state to be closer to our family.  One big concern was how to pay for childcare, now that there was little chance of me getting a job.  If I was not working or studying, we would not get any childcare subsidies from the government and so the cost would become prohibitive, and we couldn’t see how I would manage with three kids at home full-time.  Lessan’s sister-in-law had visited a few months earlier and often talked about the great and rather cheap childcare available in New Zealand, where they had moved to about 2 years prior.  She extolled the 20 hours of free early childhood education available to all 3 year olds and sometimes to 2 year olds. Since the issue with childcare subsidies would be the same anywhere in Australia, we seriously started thinking about New Zealand.

I initially didn't like that idea.  I was settled in Melbourne and starting to make friends.  But, we decided that Lessan should go for a visit to see what life was like in New Zealand to help us decide.  It seemed that his visit convinced him that we would feel more supported there and would most likely be more financially viable. (This last point I think turned out not to be quite true, but thanks to Lessan being able to do his job remotely and getting a pay raise shortly before we left, we are making it work).

At 38 weeks pregnant, with a henna tatoo

Earlier, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had applied for a government funded homebirth programme through Sunshine Hospital in Australia.  I attended one antenatal appointment and, though I liked the midwife I saw, I left feeling quite concerned about the care I would receive.  There were a lot of restrictions and I was worried some minor complication could easily ruin my chances of a homebirth and I would be stuck going to the local hospital, which did not seem like a good outcome at all.  I compared this with the options available in New Zealand - great birth centres, many homebirth midwives to choose from, good continuity of care, all funded - and New Zealand became infinitely more appealing.  This was especially so after I talked to Karene - a midwife based in the same village where Martha lived.  She was very experienced in home birth and had a very natural approach.  She determined that I should be eligible for maternity care as an Australian (planning on) living in New Zealand and agreed to take me on. (In hindsight, I know that there are many issues with the New Zealand maternity system, mostly to do with funding midwives, but I feel grateful that I still could access great care).

So, when I was 20 weeks pregnant, we made the big move.  We stayed with Martha (my sister-in-law) and her family for about 6 weeks while we waited for our stuff to arrive and then moved into our own rental home in Cambridge.  We settled into our new home and got the kids settled into kindergarten.  Lessan worked from home with his previous company based in Melbourne, but as a contractor.  This was working out pretty well.  We also tried to get to know our local Baha’i community, attending children’s classes and so forth. We had numerous visits with my midwife and got to know her very well and hash out all the details of how we hoped to approach the birth. By the time my due date approached, we were feeling quite happy and settled.

At the 200th anniversary of the birth of Baha'u'llah
celebration held at Te Awamutu library

Speaking of due dates, a dating scan determined that baby would arrive on approximately the 22 October 2017.  That happened to be the 200th anniversary of the birth of Baha’u’llah, the founder of the Baha’i Faith.  I was torn between wanting our baby to be born on this special day and not wanting to miss the celebrations! I was also worried that everyone we were counting on to be there to babysit would be busy at the celebrations.  To make sure things worked out, I spent several weeks looking for babysitters we could hire, if the need arose.  I also felt like it was very difficult for us to be involved in the planning of events for the bicentenary, which was a major focus of the Baha’i community worldwide, because I didn’t know if I’d be in labour close to that time.

As it turned out, baby came at the perfect time - 4 days after the bicentenary, when all the celebrations were over.

Reflections on having three kids!

So, I recently wrote about how we felt when we first discovered I was pregnant.  We had a lot of worries about how we would cope with three kids under five.  Was all that stress (and an international move!) warranted?

Well, I think the answer is yes and no.

Overall, the transition to a third child has, so far, been easier than the second.  I think we've been coping really well, but it's possibly because we were able to make all those changes and set ourselves up for success.

Lessan's family was really helpful for us around the time of the birth.  They have since left, but we feel like there is a lot we still have here that makes us feel well supported.

For example, the fact that Lessan is working from home is really helping us stay sane.  One reason is that bedtime can be a bloomin' nightmare. Okay, not a nightmare, because that would involve sleeping.  After the move, the kids took a long time to get into a good routine and it got disrupted again after the baby came. Ella stopped sleeping through the night, Thomas refused to stay in his room.  Putting three kids to bed, at our house at least, is like playing "Whac-a-Mole" for hours on end.    You know that game where you have to keep hammering down little moles that come out of holes.  Once Joseph was born, he would be up and down round the clock, anyway, so most of our evenings are a total right-off in terms of Lessan and I doing much.  This is why Lessan working from home has been so wonderful for us at the moment - on the days that Thomas and Ella both go to kindy, Lessan and I have an hour or so to just spend together.  We just wouldn't get much time to be together, otherwise, and I think that would be really tough on our marriage.  Also, the fact that Lesan is at home means that I can occasionaly leave Joseph at home if he is asleep to run an errand.  I feel a lot less trapped at home than I used to, even though there's one more kid!

Another important aspect has been the fact that Thomas and Ella are going to kindergarten - Thomas 5 days a week, 8.30am - 3.30pm, Ella three days.  This gives me time to write a blog post like this once in a while, but mostly just catch up on housework and go grocery shopping! And they really like their kindergartens! They are really good quality care environments and their behaviour at home is better than it was before as a result.

I feel really busy and tired most of the time.  Joseph is still waking through the night MANY times.  Ella is getting into everything (hello "terrible" twos!), Thomas is still having his lovely meltdowns and things are often messy and difficult in our house, but I am coping and generally happy!

I think that is in big part because of us living in a pleasant house, nice town, with Lessan working from home and he is also getting better at helping around the house, plus the extra childcare.  I also feel that the more kids you have, the more skills you develop.  I'm figuring out new ways to get things done with kids around, how to manage the logistics of attending to different needs,  accepting that there will be chaos and just letting go of stuff.  In a way, it's been easier to relax when having a third child because I've lowered my expectations of what I should be doing and that makes me feel less pressured.

We don't at all regret all the changes that have taken place over the last year.  We feel like it was somehow meant to be.  Joseph is such an angelic little boy.  Really very chilled most of the time.  Happy to sit in his pram when we go out, happy to lie on the floor and explore and handles many knocks from his siblings pretty well.  We love him so much and couldn't imagine life without him! And, in a way, it makes us feel like we could have a fourth at some point down the line, but I'd also like to work or study at some point...so we're back where we were two years ago in that regard.

Joesph's Birth Story

This is the story of my third birth

The choice of birth place

A postnatal room at the birthing unit

During the last trimester, there was a lot of discussion between myself, Lessan and my midwife about where to give birth - home or at a birthing centre. I never really gave much thought of going to hospital (unless an emergency situation would develop).  As you can see from my other birth stories, my other two were born at home and I definitely ascribe to the philosophy of homebirth. What I like about homebirth is the increased likelihood of a physiological birth -  this can be aided by being in a familiar setting, having access to food and comfort measures you can prepare at home, not having to travel in labour but the biggest factor is not having to contend with the factory-like atmosphere of a hospital where interventions are par for the course.  A birth centre is really a home away from home, and in New Zealand, with my midwife attending me, there would be no difference in policies at the birth centre to a planned home birth (except possibly limits on children attending).

Te Awamutu birthing

I had never had the option of a birth centre previously and from my previous births, I knew there were some downsides to homebirth.  I had felt stressed by the logistical planning needed - especially the pool part! (And I really liked the idea of having access to a pool for pain management).  During Ella’s birth, I had felt abandoned in my hour of need because Lessan was busy looking after our first born and inflating and then filling the pool, instead of being by my side.  For this birth, I wanted him to be able to be by my side and not to have anything to think about besides supporting me.  I wanted us to share the experience as a couple, for it to feel almost romantic. Lessan agreed, and that is what really sealed the deal for me. I like the idea of having kids involved in birth in theory, but in my case, I just find that them being there is stressful and not conducive to the birthing hormones.  I also liked the idea of having a chance to rest after birth. I just knew that if I was home, I would be forced to get up and cook or clean too soon after birth.  All of these things would be willingly overlooked if the only other choice apart from homebirth was going to a busy public hospital, but given that I had the option of a New Zealand birth centre, I thought, why not! They have a pool, they have a lot of other comfort measures, and if I really want it, I can even try gas and air, which is a pretty benign intervention, but not available at home.  The emergency equipment is all set-up already - there won’t be a delay in setting things up if the midwife is late (this happened for our second birth!).  So, anyway, the plan was to go to Te Awamutu birthing centre, a 17 minute drive from our place.


The Night Before

Lessan went to bed late, about 1am, after having put Ella back to sleep
Ella woke up again shortly after, so I went to her. Then, Thomas came into our room asking to sleep with us.  He was having trouble sleeping due to a cough.  I took him to his room and lay with him.  Soon after getting back, Ella woke up again.  It was a bit of a rough night, but at least I had had an early start to the evening. During the night, I had been feeling happy and grateful for my many blessings and had said several prayers.  I feel like this may have helped me go into labour the next morning.

Labour Begins

When I got up for Thomas the next morning at about 7:30am (he slept in at least!), I immediately started noticing that I was having contractions.  I had been having very frequent braxton hicks contractions for weeks and in the preceding days, they had been happening almost any time I was upright.  But, today, it felt different.  I was pretty sure these were ‘real’ contractions, as they were more of a cramping in the lower uterus, rather than just an overall tightening.

I was really excited that this might finally be labour! I was 4 days overdue and, having gone about a week past my due date with the other kids, I was prepared to have to wait that long or longer, but it was certainly a relief to (hopefully!) end the waiting game.

Thomas was too sick to go to kindy (coughing and asthma), which was a shame because it would have been really helpful to have the house to ourselves that day. I helped get the kids breakfast and make Ella’s lunch and Lessan took Thomas and Ella both out to drop Ella off at kindy. He also asked Martha to come over to help look after Thomas during the day so that I could labour in peace.

At 9am, the midwives arrived for a pre-arranged pre-natal visit (well, my midwife Karene and a student who was following her and I had agreed could attend the birth, Lucy).  I was half hoping that my labour would progress incredibly fast and that by the time they arrived, I would be ready to push and they could just help me deliver him at home.  In hindsight, I’m really glad that didn’t happen! Anyway, in case things progressed quickly, I did all I could to get everything ready - finish packing my bags for the birth centre, did the dishes and tidied the house.  I also had a quick shower and put on the clothes I wanted to wear for the labour.  I wanted to make sure I was wearing my nice new sports bra when the time to get in the pool came!

By the time the midwives arrived, my tiredness from the previous night suddenly hit me.  I spent their visit almost dozing off on the couch.  They assured me that this was definitely pre-labour and that it could last for days or even peter off.  That was a bit disappointing in a way, because I wanted to get things over and done with as fast as possible, since the logistics of childcare were a bit complicated.  But, it was important to hear, because I needed to be patient and just rest as much as I could, especially given the previous night I had had. Oh, and I was also still a recovering from a cold myself.

Soon after the midwives left, Martha arrived and that allowed me to go and rest.  Before doing so, I got Lessan to help me figure out how to use the TENS machine I had hired.  I had heard mixed reviews about the TENS for labour.  Some women (my mum included), swear by them, others said it made no difference and some even said it was uncomfortable or distracting.  I had never used one before, but this time around I figured, why not give it a go.  Anyway, I was really grateful for Lessan’s technical mind.  He quickly put it all together and helped me apply the pads and get it going.  The instructions said it was best to start in early labour, so I thought I might as well do that.  I thought it might help me handle the contractions better so that I could get some sleep.  I just hoped that the pads would stay on long enough for when they would really be needed and also that the batteries would last long enough.

Anyway, my first impression of the TENS was that it was really helpful.  It was kind of similar to using a heat pack, which I had done when in labour for Ella’s birth, but better in that it gives you an extra second sensation to focus on while having a contraction which is very helpful as a distraction.  In the early stages, it almost eliminated all the pain.

After trying to rest for a while, I got up and had a chat with Martha and Thomas at about 11:30am.  I hadn’t really been able to sleep.  I had had a burst of energy after the midwives left and just wasn’t ready to sleep, so I got up.  Lessan had just gone to take a nap at that point.  I timed some contractions while I was chatting with her.  They were pretty irregular - anything from 10 minutes apart to sometimes 4 minutes apart, ranging in duration from 25 to 40 seconds.  They were pretty mild, too, since I could easily sit at the table and talk through them.  Still, the TENS helped.

After about an hour of being awake, I started to feel drowsy again, so I thought I’d better try to nap again.  This time, I was more able to sleep.  I was still having contractions, so I would press that boost button on the TENS every time I had one, but I think I got some sleep in between.

At 2:30pm, I got up and decided I should try to walk around and try to help labour move along, since it seemed to still be mild and irregular.  Lessan told me Martha had just gone home, since she needed to take care of her kids and it seemed unclear when things would ramp up for my labour.  I completely understood that she needed to go, but I wondered how we would get through the next few hours until bedtime since, even though I wasn’t in established labour, I wasn’t really feeling up to chasing after kiddies.  Anyway, things worked out okay because Lessan took Thomas out with him to pick up Ella (who was needed to be picked up from kindy at 3pm) and in the car, Thomas fell asleep.  He had been really sick all day and really needed to rest, but hadn’t up until that point.  So, by the time Lessan got back, we only had Ella to contend with.

While they were out, I did a few laps walking around the backyard in the sunshine.  It didn’t seem to be changing the pattern of the contractions, but I thought it couldn’t hurt. After a while, I got tired and went to rest in bed again.  When Lessan got back, he asked me to hold Ella while he put Thomas in bed.  Ella asked to breastfeed.  Generally, she hadn’t been breastfeeding except maybe once a week, or even less, but this time I said yes, as I thought it would be a good idea to try to stimulate some stronger contractions.  It did seem to do that a bit.

When Lessan came back, Ella, he and I all went outside again and did some more laps around the back yard. I even tried walking like a sumo wrestler (which I’d heard about in a podcast as a way to help labour progress).  Ella thought that was pretty funny and soon we were all doing that!  Lessan and I also tried to hug and kiss between contractions, which was something we had enjoyed during the birth of Ella, but this time, Miss Ella was here and she wanted to get all of Daddy’s cuddles!

After a while, we came inside and just hung out. I think I did some chores and Lessan helped, we made some dinner and eventually started watching a series on Netflix.  We normally wouldn’t do that with kids around, but this time was an exception, as it was a good distraction.  I just had to keep reminding Lessan to stop Ella from climbing on me, which I really couldn’t handle at that point.

Active Labour

By around 6.30pm, my contractions were starting to get into a more regular pattern of 5 minutes apart, lasting at least 40 seconds.  They were also stronger in intensity and I was having to stop and breathe through them.  I had also increased the power on the TENS machine.  I called Martha and asked if she could come back, as I suspected we may need to go to the birth centre in the next hour or so.  Thankfully, Martha was able to come right away.  She also decided to bring Amy to help! I also called my midwife and explained what was happening and that I didn’t want to be driving with contractions that were much stronger than this.  She agreed that it was reasonable for me to leave in that timeframe and just asked me to call again once Martha arrived.

Soon after arriving at Te Awamutu Birthing

By the time Martha arrived, it was about 7.20pm.  Lessan was trying to put Ella to sleep and, unfortunately, Thomas had woken up maybe half an hour prior to that (probably due to his shortness of breath with asthma). I had been having to manage giving him a puffer and make him food between contractions, which were now even stronger and lasting longer, but still about 5 minutes apart.  I briefed Martha on the situation with the kids and then called my midwife again, explaining that I was hoping to leave as soon as Lessan had finished putting Ella to sleep in the next 10-15 minutes.  I was slightly concerned she would say I should wait longer, but she acknowledged that getting to the birth centre before it was too late had always been a major concern of mine and that she didn’t want to second-guess me.  She said, likely the contractions would slow down a bit during the drive and may take a while to pick up as I settled into a new environment, but they would probably intensify after that.  If for some reason they didn’t or petered out, it would be okay for me to just go home, but she doubted that, as it seemed labour was established.

Lessan soon emerged with Ella, having been unsuccessful in putting her to sleep.  Martha and Amy would have to handle looking after the two of them until they went to sleep.  Lessan got my bags and the carseat into the car and we said a quick farewell to everyone before heading off to the birth centre.

Driving in labour had been one of my major concerns for the birth.  I had seriously considered home birthing just to not have to do that.  But, the pros of the birth centre seemed to outweigh this concern.  Lessan drove very carefully and a bit slower to ensure I had a comfortable ride.  Luckily, it did go very well and I only had three contractions on the way, the last one just as we pulled up.  On the way, we sang a few prayers together and that helped me relax.  I also made good use of the TENS machine. I was really happy to be heading to the birth centre, as it was becoming difficult to labour in the conditions at home and some of my contractions were becoming the kind where you can feel the cervix opening just a little, so I was fairly certain we had made the right decision to go when we did. Overall, the car ride was easier than I feared.

Student midwife, Lucy, checking the fetal heart-rate and position

When we arrived (at about 8pm), Karene and Lucy met us at the door and escorted us to the birthing room.  It was all ready to go - there was mood lighting, the heating was on and the birth pool was already full! We got settled, set up the music and put out some more LED candles.  I was still having contractions, but they seemed shorter and a bit weaker than before.  I felt a bit foolish with the midwives observing me, as if they were waiting for something to happen, and I started to worry that we had arrived too early after all!

I tried to get things moving again by walking around, swaying and trying to ‘get in the zone’ and forget about being observed.  As I relaxed more, I closed my eyes and danced around the room to the relaxing ‘spa’ music we had on.  I also thought it would be good to get some oxytocin flowing by slow dancing with Lessan and kissing him.  He was only too happy to oblige and that was really nice.  The midwives let us do that in private for a while. I took my top off, as it felt good when he touched the skin on my back and arms.  I remembered something I’d heard about how the conditions that ‘get the baby in’ will get the baby out.

Before long, things had definitely intensified and I was also feeling more tired.  I leaned over the bed while Lessan stroked my back or pushed my hips together.  Then, I climbed onto the bed, which was partially raised and just rested on all fours.  I no longer wanted to be touched during contractions, but it really comforted me having Lessan close by, or gently stroking my upper arms.  When he walked away to do something, I immediately noticed and felt less secure.  I later reflected on how it was wonderful that I was able to let Lessan support me.  In previous labours, I wasn’t able to do that.  Perhaps out of fear, I often didn’t want to be touched at all, and in a way, pushed Lessan away.  This time, it felt like I had the strength and courage to let him touch me.  I guess it also helped that, after a day of slow labour, I was wanting things to intensify, rather than shying away from that.

Tens Machine pads visible on my back

At this point, I had put the TENS machine up to the second ‘intense labour’ mode and I noticed that I could feel my cervix dilating quite strongly during contractions and, though I didn’t have the urge to push, giving a slight push during contractions was somehow comforting.  I was vocalising through some of these contractions, but some of them I quietly breathed through.

I told Lessan that I might want to get in the pool soon, so he went and told the midwives (who were still just outside the door, listening) so they could make sure it was the right temperature. I wasn’t 100% sure getting in the pool would help.  I was slightly reluctant to take the TENS machine off and slightly worried it might be too early.  But I took my chances.  Lucy suggested I do a wee before getting in, so I rushed to the toilet to try to get it done before I had another contraction (I think Lessan was timing them at this point and they were about 3 minutes apart, lasting over a minute).  Just as I was climbing into the pool, I had a strong contraction and the act of climbing made it worse! But, it was immediate relief once I was in.

It was nice to feel buoyant and warm (I didn’t feel like it was not warm enough this time, like previous labours, thankfully! I think it helped that the air was nicely heated and not drafty).  But, I was still uncomfortable and had to find a new groove for handling the contractions, since I didn’t have a button (TENS machine) to push anymore.  I also noticed a shift soon after getting in the pool, as if the head had descended more and the cervix was dilating.

I felt tired and like it was difficult to find a restful position in the pool.  I think inflatable pools are a bit better at cushioning you.  I tried to lean on a towel on the edge of the pool, but because of the depth of the pool, I still had to cling to the edge so as not to fall in, and this was tiring.  Later I held Lessan’s hand and that was helful, and quite comforting. I started to feel shaky and my legs felt weak and a bit crampy, perhaps from the way I had been kneeling for about an hour prior to getting in the pool.  I had also done a fair bit of walking during the day.  At some point, Karene massaged my calves for me to help ease the cramping.  I was curious how I was progressing, so I ventured to check my own vagina.  I felt something softish not very far in.  It was possibly the bag of waters.  I asked the midwives if they could confirm what that was, but they encouraged me to just trust the process and not worry about that.  I decided to try to follow their advice and go deeper into the zone.

My contractions were now very intense. Sometimes I would breath through them, other times I would moan or ‘tone’.  I didn’t have the urge to push, but intellectually I thought that if I could push, it might feel better.  So, during contractions, I began giving a gentle push, and I could feel that opening my cervix.  Soon, I could really feel the coccyx bone moving backwards.  Between contractions, I also clearly felt the baby wiggling downwards.  That was a very odd feeling. All of these intense feelings left me feeling overwhelmed and a bit scared, so I decided to sing the prayer Lessan and I had sung earlier in the car - “Ya Baha’u’llah-Abha x 3, Allah’u’Abha x 3”.  Midway through the song, I had a contraction and couldn’t quite keep singing, but just kept a few notes going.  I also said more prayers in my mind, remembered all the women who had done this before me and tried to remind myself that it would be soon over.

About half an hour after getting into the pool, I had begun grunting a bit during my contractions, even though I (once again) didn’t feel like it was quite time to push.  I gave a gentle push during a contraction and suddenly I felt a big ‘pop’.  I was pretty certain my waters had just broken. This caused the baby to move down towards the vaginal opening almost immediately and the sensations, rather than easing, intensified dramatically.  Rapid stretching of the perineum just came on so suddenly.  I started screaming “ow, ow, ow”, panting and getting a bit breathless as the head started to emerge.  The midwives, who had up until that point been silently observing, apart from the occasional checks and words of encouragement, sprang into action to encourage me to slow down my breathing and when I pleaded for them to “Make it stop!”, Karene said “Melissa, it’s your baby’s head coming out.”  This reminder was somehow needed at the time! It was  like my brain couldn’t process what was going on.

Baby is Born

With one contraction the head had emerged, but then it went back inside soon after that contraction ended.  I was relieved to have a bit of a break from the intensity.  Despite the pain of this experience, I remember feeling like the head was really small, like it couldn’t possibly be this small.  Then, with the next contraction, the head half emerge and just stayed there for several minutes.  The intensity died down as my perineum stretched and got used to that size, but it felt strange with the head just sitting there.  I didn’t know if I should try to push the rest out or just wait for it to do so ’by itself’.  I asked the midwives, “Why is it just sitting there?  Will it ever come out?” but as they couldn’t see (I was kneeling facing them), they thought I meant it was just sitting inside.  Karene said, “It will come when you’re ready”.  When Karene realized that it was half out a couple of minutes later, she came to look, as I turned over onto my back and she said, “Okay, push the rest of the head out.”  Then, with the next contraction, she said “Push the rest of the body out.”  It took a couple of pushes to get him fully out, but when he did come out, he shot out across the pool.  At the time, I had my eyes closed and didn’t really realize what had happened, I just reached for him, and found him there in my arms, not realizing that Lessan had actually caught him from the other side of the pool (he was standing outside and leaned in) and then passed him to me.

It was such a wonderful moment to be able to have my baby in my arms, quite surreal, like I couldn’t quite process what had just happened.  My first impression was how small he was.  He was crying and had a good, robust cry.  He was a good purple colour and soon turned pink. After a short time, Karene asked if Lessan wanted to say the prayer for newborns.  He got the words from my notes and read it out as Lucy (the student midwife) filmed him. Soon after this, I said I wanted to get out of the pool so that we could let Joseph do the breast crawl (I was also feeling uncomfortable in the pool and wanted to get out).

Allowing baby to do the breast crawl

Fortunately, the umbilical cord was quite long (about a metre long, it turns out), so I could easily get out of the pool while holding baby myself.  (After Ella’s birth, I couldn’t get out of the pool easily because the cord was too short, and so I had to wait in the pool until it stopped pulsing and cut it at that point, rather than after birthing the placenta, as I had hoped).  With a bit of help, I climbed out and walked to the bed.  The midwives helped me lie down and lay Joseph on my chest skin to skin (I took my bra off first) and then covered me with towels and blankets.  It was comfortably warm in the room and I enjoyed the chance to rest and recover, but I was still in pain with regular, quite strong contractions, as well as cramping in my legs.  Karene offered to give me a homeopathic remedy for cramping that contained magnesium, but she then realized that she didn’t have it with her. I remembered I had brought some magnesium oil spray, so Lessan sprayed it on my feet for me and then later, Karene massaged it into my legs.  This seemed to help.  She also got me a hot water bottle to put under my back to help with the contractions. She also gave me a homeopathic remedy to help with healing.

Meanwhile, Joseph was resting on my chest, then gradually trying to suck his hands.  He then managed to suck his thumb.  He was doing this for quite a while and Karene seemed to be thinking he might like his thumb too much to try to breastfeed.  So, even though I could have let him try a bit longer, I decided to help him to the breast.  He latched on pretty easily and fed well.  This of course brought on more contractions, though.

I was eager for the placenta to come out, as I hoped that would stop the contractions.  Karene noticed that the cord was still pulsing 40 minutes after the birth and said that if the cord was still pulsing, the placenta wouldn’t have detached yet, so I had to wait.  I had been impatient to get through transition and be able to push, and now again I had to be patient to push out the placenta.  Finally, at about an hour after birth, the cord had stopped pulsing and so Karene suggested I try to push the placenta out.  I didn’t have much energy at that point, but I gave it a go and it half emerged.  Up until that point, I hadn’t had any bleeding whatsoever.  The pool water had been completely clear, apart from a tiny bit of mucus (my mucus plug, I guess, which hadn’t come out earlier, no bloody show). So, as the placenta emerged, blood started to come out that had been pooling behind the placenta.  It wasn’t much, though.  My notes say 100mL.  Karene rushed to get some pads and then encouraged me to push the rest of the placenta out.  Out it came with a bit more effort, and the rest of the blood.  Karene put the placenta in a container and left it between my legs as Joseph continued to breastfeed from the other breast. It felt like we stayed like that, resting and feeding, for a while.

Joseph found his thumb, but not the breast, so I gave him a hand

Then, while still breastfeeding, Lucy gave Joseph his vitamin K injection.  He unlatched to cry for a moment, but then comforted himself by getting back on the breast.  By this point, I was quite tired and hungry and also looking forward to having a shower, so I was happy that we could cut the cord and that I could pass Joseph to Lessan to hold for a while.  Lucy and Karene showed Lessan how to tie the cord tie.  It was one that Karene had made and she asked Lessan which one of two she had with her that he preferred.  I had previously read about cord ties and liked the idea that it was softer on baby’s skin, but had also  read that it was discouraged by some doctors because it could become infected more easily.  Karene had personally used cord ties with her clients for many years and never had any problems, so I thought it was worth giving it a try while being careful to keep it clean.  (A week later and the cord stump has finally fallen off.  There were no problems with the cord tie at all.  I did make an effort to keep it clean, keep it out of the nappy and not let it get wet, which were the potential hazards, and it was fine! I felt it was much more comfortable for baby, especially when he would like on his stomach on my chest.)

So, with that done, I ate some food, went and had a shower, got dressed (adult diaper included) and ate some more while Karene helped Lessan dress Joseph in some nice warm clothes.  Lessan craddled Joseph in his arms and he quickly fell asleep.

All dressed after his newborn examinations

The midwives then helped us move into one of the postnatal rooms.  By this point, it was after 1am.  I collapsed on the bed, Lessan holding baby, while Karene explained how everything worked at the birth centre.  After they left, the on-staff birth centre midwife came to see us, at which point Joseph woke up and I gave him one more feed and he fell asleep.  Lessan ended up holding him for the rest of the night.  Despite being exhausted, I wasn’t able to easily sleep.  I kept wanting to check on Joseph, my legs felt a bit weird after all the cramping and I was having afterpains.  The after pains, in my half-sleepy state, seemed to trigger memories from the birth, as if I was experiencing it again, and it wasn’t so pleasant.  I guess it was my brain trying to come to terms with the whole experience.  On the plus side, Joseph was having his ‘birth recovery sleep’, so he slept all night and only needed a feed in the morning at 7am. In fact, I had to wake him up for that feed, as Karene had said I should.  From that point onwards, she said I should wake him every 2 hours in the day and 3-4 hours at night for a feed, since babies in the first 2 weeks of life can often sleep through their own hunger.

Lessan at home with the kids.  We skyped a bit with them.

 Soon after we woke up in the morning, Lessan had to go home because Martha needed to go home.  From that point until I left, I stayed at the birth centre alone, with a couple of visits from Lessan and the kids.  It was a little lonely, but I was so grateful to have that time to recover in peace.  It was also a great way to get breastfeeding off to a good start, since that’s pretty much all I had to do.  My milk began to come in by the end of my first day at the birth centre and by the second day, it was well and truly in.  Jospeph slept a lot and was very calm in general, so I got to rest and recover a lot.  I was also given lovely meals and had plenty of support from the on-staff midwives, who came to check on me regularly.  I generally didn’t need any help, but it was nice to feel like help was there.  Pretty soon, it was time to head home and face the daunting, but beautiful, reality of having three children!

Reflections

I was amazed by how easy the whole birth was.  There were difficult moments, but I never felt like I couldn’t get through it.  Perhaps this was because I had experienced birth twice before and the familiarity of the sensations meant that I knew more or less what to expect and didn’t feel afraid of what was coming.  I was so grateful that my midwife and her student did so much to follow my birth plan.  During previous pregnancies, I had wanted to make a birth plan, but my midwives generally didn’t see the point, as they thought that they could just do what they normally do, since their philosophies aligned fairly well with mine.  However, Karene suggested I make a plan this time and took a lot of time to go through it with me to make sure we were on the same page.  I felt like that made me really feel validated, like I could trust her to make the experience as much how I wanted as possible.  Lessan later told me that during the birth, she and Lucy were re-reading through the plan to make sure they didn’t forget anything.  And really, they didn't.  Of course, it could have always been possible that a change of plan would be needed and fortunately everything went well.  In fact, it went better than well.  It was amazing not to have any tearing, to have minimal bleeding and for Joseph to have no problems breathing.

In the dining room of the birth centre one morning

I am also grateful that the plan of going to the birth centre worked well.  I was quite concerned that I would leave it too late to get there and accidentally give birth in the car, or have to stay home for an impromptu home birth.  I had agonized about how to know when to go so as not to arrive too early (and be sent home), but not to leave it too late.  I was also really worried that the drive to the birth centre, especially if left too late, would be unbearable.  Well, I’m so happy that when I thought it was a good time to go, Karene supported me and encouraged me to go, reassuring me that it would be okay if it turned out to be too early.  As a result, the car ride was bearable and, fortunately, my labour progressed quite quickly after arriving - baby arrived only 2 and a half hours after we got there.  The experience of being at the birth centre was exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to be somewhere peaceful, where I didn’t have to worry about the kids, about the logistics of the pool, about the clean-up and also in a space where Lessan and I could bond as a couple during the experience, and it was all of that.  So, overall, I don’t think there’s anything I would change.

Times and Stats from my medical notes

8pm arrived birth centre
palpitation of belly, blood pressure, pulse
baby lying Right Occiput Anterior, 3/5 engaged
8:53 lying Left Occiput Anterior (after kissing)
9:30 get on bed breathing through contractions
9:43 get in the pool
9:50 feeling tired and shaky, crampy legs
10:27 baby born
10:30 say prayer
10:35 out of pool onto bed for breast crawl
11:20 placenta birthed

Head circumference 34.5cm
Length 50cm
Weight 4kg

Joseph on the bed at the birth centre, next to a spoon for size comparison