Ella's Birth Story

My birthing space

As a bit of background, we were planning a homebirth, as we had had with Thomas.  This time; however, we were on a government programme called the "Midwifery Group Practice" through Bunbury hospital.  This programme is for hospital and homebirths with a known midwife, but homebirths are only allowed for very low-risk pregnancies.  I was really grateful that throughout the pregnancy I had been well and there were no risk factors whatsoever.

My plan for getting through the labour naturally included preparing physically through yoga and exercises like squats, preparing mentally through mindful meditation and setting up my birthing space with positive affirmations and inspiring quotations on the wall, mood lighting, a playlist of calming music as well as shelves full of everything we might need for the birth.  I had comfort measures on hand like a ball to rock and lean on, a bean bag, a portable camping toilet (so I wouldn't have to walk too far to go to the loo),  a "birthing blend" to diffuse and also to use for massage, plenty of hot packs and of course, the birth pool. I also worked with my husband and doula to see if they could help me with massage, acupressure points and many other things. In summary, everything was ready to go.  All that was needed was for my body to go into labour!

In my previous post, I talked about the weeks and days leading up to the birth.  In it, I explain how we had a feeling that baby would come on 5 September (that's six days past the due date). The night before (Friday 4th September) we had been acting like it would happen the next day, but with no real reason to believe it would.

Nevertheless, that Friday night, just after falling asleep at say, 10pm, I started having contractions! They were definitely contractions because they were a kind of sharp cramp in my lower uterus. I was comfortable enough to lie down during them, but it helped to focus on my breathing a bit and wait for it to pass.  I got up a bit more than usual that night to go to the toilet, walk around and also do fast hip circles on the exercise ball (spinning babies suggests that helps babies to engage).  I still managed to sleep a fair bit between contractions, but I think that most of them were too strong to sleep through. I was excited that things were starting to happen.  Of course, there was always the possibility this was a false alarm, but I had a feeling it wasn't.  There was also a bit of wondering how long the labour would last and how much worse the pain would get, but I tried not to worry about that.

In the morning, I got up and made myself a good breakfast of eggs on toast and helped Thomas get his breakfast. I was having to concentrate a bit through contractions, but could still move and talk through them if someone spoke to me.  I casually reported the contractions to Lessan and he just said, "Oh, OK!".  Soon after, mum got up and jokingly proclaimed "So, this is the big day!' (because we had all been expecting it to happen that day, despite there being no real proof as to why) and I was happy to reply, "Well, I think it is actually, I've been having contractions throughout the night."  She excitedly gave me a hug.

Lessan looking happy that today is the day!

After breakfast, I decided to lie down in bed and get a bit more rest between contractions, since I hadn't gotten enough sleep over night.  Meanwhile, Mum took Thomas and Olivia out to a park for the morning.  After resting for a while, I decided to time my contractions. They were consistently 8 minutes apart and lasting 40 seconds.  I thought that their being regular was a good sign, so I decided to call the midwife to let her know I was in early labour.  I called my primary midwife's number, but it diverted to a different one who was on call - the one I'd hoped would attend the birth! I asked her if there was any way of knowing how long the labour would last given how regular the contractions were and she didn't know, but said that often, for mums who have other children, things really kick off at night, when the kids have gone to bed.  

At about 10am, I got up and had a shower.  I then just walked around and did some yoga exercises on the rug in the living room and rested a bit.  Even though I didn't feel a huge need for it, I prepared a hot pack for myself (it needed to be boiled in the pan and I wasn't sure others would know how to prepare it if it was needed later).  I then decided to watch a documentary on Netflix about the fashion industry.  I was surprised that I wanted to do that, since the idea of watching a screen during labour was repulsive to me last time.  I assumed that the fact that I could handle it meant that I was earlier in the process, despite the fact that by the end of the film, I was having to really concentrate for contractions.

At about 11am, Lessan takes a photo of my belly between contractions

At about 1pm,  Mum brought Thomas home and Lessan went to take him to sleep.  When he was finished putting Thomas to sleep, I had gone outside to labour in the sunshine and he met me there. I had been timing my contractions again and they were between 6 and 3 minutes apart, lasting as long as a minute, but usually only 40 seconds.  The fact that they were kind of irregular puzzled me.  They were generally closer and stronger, but I was still coping well, so I assumed it was still pre-labour.  We spent a bit of time there together chatting, hugging and kissing.  During contractions I would lean on him and we'd sound/tone together.  'Sounding' is a technique I had heard of in the mindful birthing book - it's basically making a sound like 'ah' or 'oh' or 'om', kind of like chanting, and the partner joins in for support. 

When we got inside, I had a chat with mum and then I decided to labour a bit in the bedroom (where I planned to birth).  I put on my peaceful birthing playlist and tried different positions on the bed.  I tried becoming more meditative, closing my eyes and relaxing, even between contractions.  I was still able to talk between contractions, but doing this seemed to help.  At some point during that time, I started to think it would be a good idea to inflate the pool and asked Lessan to do it.  Mum and Lessan laid out the plastic sheeting and taped it to the floor and then Lessan inflated the pool.  The sound of the pump was rather jarring and I had to work harder to stay relaxed (at this point I was kneeling and leaning forward on pillows on the bed in the same room).  During that time, I was finding it a bit harder to get through the contractions and was experimenting with different mental strategies. I also noticed I was starting to feel hotter.  Soon, I told Lessan I wanted him to actually fill the pool, not just inflate it.  As time went by, I became more insistent that he fill it asap!  I didn't consciously think that I would give birth in the pool, just that I needed the warm water for pain relief.  You see, I had this whole debate in my mind during the whole pregnancy about the theoretical benefits of land versus water births for the microbial transfer and so had considered labouring in the pool, but birthing on dry land.  But, at that moment, I only knew that I was having difficulty coping and the pool was my only option of making things a bit easier.

I think that it was at this time, or perhaps a little earlier, that I first started feeling my cervix expanding.  I had forgotten that feeling, but now that I was having it again, the memory of the sensation seemed ever so familiar from my first labour, and that happened towards the end, though  since it wasn't so clear in my mind exactly when that happened, I was still thinking I may have a long way to go.

Starting to fill the pool

As he began to fill it, I got out of bed and walked around and timed the contractions.  This kind of helped as a distraction.  I had a good app on my phone for that. They were coming every 4-5 minutes and lasting a minute or so.  They were also really strong and I was finding it harder to stay relaxed.  I was breathing faster, moaning a bit and moving in weird ways just to cope. I decided to text the midwife and she called back immediately.  I let her hear in my voice that it was getting more intense and when I told her I wanted to get into the pool, she said she was coming.  A few contractions later, I was desperate to get in for some relief from the intensity of the contractions and so, though the pool wasn't full yet, I got Lessan to help me in.  That feeling of the cervix expanding was stronger and I was starting to feel the urge to bear down, so I suddenly felt like I might give birth before I got in.  I realized I didn't want to do that because the contractions were forcefully pushing on my rather closed vaginal area and it hurt!  I hadn't experienced that to such an extent with Thomas because things had progressed much slower.

Not long before getting in the pool.

Once I got in, I felt a little more relaxed, though I wished the water was warmer.  (It was the right temperature, but the recommended 37.5 degrees was just not warm enough to ease the tightening sensations).  It was now 3:25pm. Lessan was busy running in and out to adjust the water and also help mum out the door, who had just decided it might be time to take Thomas and Olivia out.  I don't think they realized how close the birth was. All of his coming and going made me a bit frustrated, but I tried to focus on the task at hand! Getting through each contraction!

Birthing affirmations and quotations on the wall

One of the first contractions after getting in, I gave in a bit to the urge to push and felt a 'pop'.  I knew that was my waters breaking, as I saw little bits of vernix appear in the birth pool water.  I then put in my finger to see if I could feel the head. Sure enough it was there, about 3cm inside.  I knew from last time that this meant there was no point worrying about if I was fully dilated.  The head was there ready to come!

I had a few more contractions that were a bit 'expulsive' and I asked Lessan to see where the midwife was because I was pushing.  He called her and she said she was 7 minutes away.

I tried lying on my side to slow the birth a bit, but one or two contractions later, the head emerged, but then receded back in.  The midwife still wasn't there.  The realization that I would probably give birth unassisted didn't really worry me.  I was confident that I knew what to do, as the sensations seemed familiar.

I probably could have pushed out the head in one contraction, but I wanted to give my perineum more time to stretch, so I held back and so after emerging once, it retreated back in.  I tried using a bit of clitoral stimulation between this contraction and the next to hopefully bring some more blood to the area and allow it to stretch (tip from midwife, Ina May Gaskin).  It did help and eased the sensations a bit.  In the next contraction the head fully emerged.  It just stayed there and started to rotate (which was a bit of painful sensation).  Then, with the next contraction, I pushed and most of the body came out.  I leant forward and pulled the rest of the baby's body out and up to the surface. She immediately started crying, but she also seemed to have some trouble getting the sounds out, so I was a bit concerned. Thankfully, the midwife arrived just moments later. I yelled at her to hurry in and she quickly reassured us that the baby was fine. She had just probably had some fluid in her lungs because of the fast nature of the birth, but it wasn't too much.

Right after birth

She asked about what had happened and together we tried to figure out what time the birth had occurred.  We guessed 3:55pm, although we later figured out it would have been exactly 3:53pm.  She also asked if we had checked if it was a boy or girl yet.  We hadn't even thought to check! We did, and realized it was a girl! It was a lovely surprise, but at the time it was still a bit surreal to process.  I had planned to cut the umbilical cord after birthing the placenta, but the cord was rather short and it would have been hard to get out of the pool with it being so short (and the MGP programme's guidelines state that it should be done out of water to measure blood loss).  So, in the end, we just stayed in the pool until the cord stopped pulsing.  During this time a second midwife came to help. They clamped the cord and Lessan cut it.

I then had the rather unsavoury task of birthing the placenta.  I tried sitting on our little camping toilet for a while, hoping it would come out, but it just didn't seem ready (from my giving the cord a gentle, little tug).  I was cold and uncomfortable (plus still having strong contractions), so the midwives suggested I could lie on the bed and give Ella a feed while waiting for the placenta.

That was much more pleasant.  Even though the contractions were still strong (and became stronger with breastfeeding and the weight of the baby on my belly). it was much more comfortable lying in my warm, comfy bed, holding my sweet baby.  Eventually, I felt a bigger contraction and announced that I thought the placenta was ready. The midwife helped me get it out with gentle cord traction as I pushed a bit.  It came out in one piece and looking fine! (I didn't see it, actually, but that's what they said).  I felt a lot better with it out!

I think it was when I had gotten in bed that Larissa, our doula arrived.  We hadn't called her until I was in the pool, as I hadn't felt the need for extra help until it was too late for me to be in a state to do anything about it!  She got me a cup of tea, some snacks and drinks and helped the midwives with a few tasks.

From then on, I got to continue lying there, feeding Ella, while the midwives checked how much blood I was losing and tried to make sure that it slowed down.  There was a bit of concern on that front, so they were vigorously massaging my belly as well as some accupressure points on my hand and ankle, whilst getting me to smell clary sage and visualize the 'flower closing'.  It was a bit amusing for me, as I felt fine and didn't really feel like I would bleed to death, but I was nevertheless grateful that they were taking care of it!

When it was clear that my bleeding had slowed, they checked for perineal damage.  There was just a graze going up (towards the urethra) and a small tear going down into the perineum which they thought didn't need stitching.  I was very grateful and surprised that with such a quick birth there wasn't more damage!

The midwives also checked Ella over, checked for tongue and lip tie (she has a small lip tie that's probably not a problem). They weighed her and measured her and also gave her the Vitamin K injection, as we had requested.

Once everything was done, they left us to relax and cuddle in bed! Larissa left soon after, as my parents said they were on their way home and they would be able to help with the clean-up.

We felt amazed and awed at the experience. For most of the labour, I had been coping well and so I thought it was still the early stages.  Only in the last hour or so had it gotten quite intense.  And though the sensations were powerful, I hadn't been traumatized by them. It was simply a matter of working with them as much as possible.  I also hadn't been afraid at all when I realized that I would likely give birth without the midwife.  Though they were stronger than I remembered, the sensations were familiar and I knew what was happening and I was confident I knew what to do once the baby was born (though I wasn't actively thinking about that at the time).  Though I hadn't planned it, I was happy that I got to birth on my own, because having to interact with people, feeling observed and having to have observations taken would have definitely made it harder for me to relax and birth instinctively.  In the end, I felt the midwife arrived at the perfect time - in time to make sure the baby was okay and to help me birth the placenta and bring bleeding under control. 

As I write this, it is days later and I have already started to forget what the labour felt like.  I feel only positivity about how I got through it all so well, how it was so much faster than expected and grateful that Ella and I are both recovering so well.  Of course, I'm loving these first days of discovering who this new little person is and getting plenty of cuddles! The confidence I felt in the birth is also continuing into early mothering and so I'm incredibly grateful that God allowed me to have this experience.

Happy that the hard part was over and getting to cuddle my baby!

Now for Lessan's perspective:

Leading up to the birth, I had felt like we had planned well and we had everything we needed in place (towels, pool equipment, food, the birth plan, the doula, etc). Once the due date past, I felt like there was no need to do any more active thinking about the birth but we could just enjoy the time we had together, as the birth would surely come. I thought as we approached the end of the second week we could start thinking of options, but there was no need to do so before then. It turned out somewhat like that in practice, although Melissa did have lengthy conversations with our support team (midwives and doula) as well as the last-minute viewing of the spinning babies video. None of this was particularly troubling, but I mention it just to picture the mindset I was in at the time.

On the day of the labour I was tired as I hadn't had enough sleep the night before, but when I realized it was actually happening I must have had a burst of adrenaline because as you can see from the photo above, I was very happy. I just wanted to do what needed to be done and help Melissa in any way I could.

As the labour was progressing in the early afternoon, I asked her about our support team and she said she had been in contact with the midwife, and she didn't really feel the need to call the doula yet. I understood where she was coming from, as I could see that she was labouring in peace, just focused on being relaxed through the contractions and there was really nothing anyone could do to help her in any way. No offering of heat packs, no touching of her, no suggestions about positions, no conversations really - none of those would have helped. She knew what she was doing and she needed her space to do it. I also knew what she was doing, having been actively involved in her learning about birth during both labours, so there was nothing mysterious or unknown about what was going on. And anyway, I had my hands full with errands that needed to be done.

Like Melissa, I was also under the impression that the labour would take longer than it did. After setting up the pool I anticipated there would be at least a few hours more before the birth. I didn't actively think about it; I just felt like there's more to go. When Thomas woke up I helped take care of him a little, at least enough to ensure he wasn't coming into the bedroom where Melissa was labouring. When I returned to the bedroom I realized Melissa was quite far along and she made it clearly known she wanted to be in the pool asap.

We hadn't practiced filling in the pool before (we had inflated it so at least we knew it would hold its shape), so I was a little anxious that nothing would go wrong. I also expected the midwife to be there shortly and didn't want it to go over the mandated 37.5 degrees, so I went back and forth a few times to the tap to ensure it was filling up at the right temperature. Then Melissa got in, I called the midwife to check where she was and the doula to ask her to come, and then I realized the hot water was running out - even though it was fully on the hot setting the water coming out of the hose was lukewarm. So I rushed off again to turn off the water, and I filled a pot and put it on the stove on high heat just in case it would be needed later.

By this time Melissa's contractions were very intense, and she was yelling at their peak. It seemed to help her, and it didn't really bother me, but it made me feel more urgently the need to help her in any way, so for one of them I tried 'sounding' with her.

Another errand was to rush to the front door and unlock it, as we don't have a doorbell and wouldn't hear knocking especially with the sound machine on, and I expected the midwife would try opening the door when she arrived.

Another few minutes in the bedroom, and Melissa announced the head was out. Sure enough, I could see it, and it wasn't moving in any way. I walked to the side of the pool infront of her in case I needed to help lift the baby out of the water, but with the next contraction the body came out and Melissa pulled it out herself. I then rushed to get the camera, and we have some video and photos of Ella's first minute or two (see the "right after birth" picture above). Melissa was getting anxious about the baby's breathing, as although it was crying the cry came in fits and starts. I heard a sound outside the bedroom and saw that the midwife had arrived. That was a relief, as just that moment was when we really needed her help.  Up until that point, I don't think there's anything she could have done that would have changed the outcome of the birth.

Lessan holding Ella

In hindsight, I realize it would really have been helpful if I could have been present with Melissa for the last hour or so, just to be there so she would feel accompanied and reassured. We could have called the doula much earlier, just to take care of the errands I had been taking care of. And we could have had the other children taken away earlier, which would have helped reduce the errands I had to run.

But otherwise, I don't think we could have improved much on what happened, it all went so smoothly.

Just one little thing was that we should have bought a new birth pool (or hired one) as the one we got was second-hand and later that night it started leaking (we had decided to empty it the next day). We had to hurriedly empty it and drag its remains out. But that's not so important, in the grand scheme of things.

I'm very happy to be a two-time primary birth support person and to have seen both our children raised out of the water into this world. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed by all the details Melissa was sharing with me, but for the most part it has been very interesting to learn more about birthing and also some of the social issues surrounding birthing rights. While my focus is not to change that - I let Melissa take the lead on that one - I do feel that more husbands need to accompany their wives on this journey and kick off their fathering career by being engaged and present. I really admire and respect mothers. I am especially proud of those who have taken charge of their own birthing and put the effort in to educate themselves about it.

I'm also very happy to have a daughter. I don't know what it means, but I'm looking forward to finding out. And I'm looking forward to expanding the circle of love from three to four, increasing my capacity to love and my understanding of what it means in practice. During the first few years of our marriage, I would feel like I loved Melissa so much it wasn't possible for it to be more, but then it would take a turn and somehow expand. Then with Thomas, after a confusing initial period, I started to fall in love with him, and that has followed a similar path. I anticipate Ella to also open new vistas of affection and dedicated familial service.